"My experience has been that younger white gay men usually add the "No asians please" in their ads. But, as they grow older and they don't get any hot white guys, they go for the younger asian guys. The asian guys, on the other hand, who may have a low self esteem, due to being rejected by a lot of white men, feel a sense of achievement, when they are chased by a white man, even though the white man is older."
What's your take on that? Is it true? It'd be interesting....
lol thats just mean...
ReplyDeleteI strongly doubt that this is even close to any kind of general truth.
ReplyDeleteObviously, if you happen to be very hottt on the daily fresh meat market, you may be inclined to be very picky. Conversely, if the market is not quickly validating your attributes you may choose to be a bit less selective in order to get laid. So, if you only focused on very cute white, gym-rat dudes in their mid-20s, you may now add other races to the mix, and extend the search to say, the guys in their early 30's who may not be sporting a perfect six-pack.
The 'no asians, please' clause has been spreading around like some sort of a fashion for a while. Even guys who really would not mind having an asian BF, FB, etc., feel compelled to mention this, in order to remain "exclusive" and "very much in demand".
The gay media and all the other major gay trendsetters are still projecting monoracial relationships as the most desirable ones. Big part of the "no asian please-phenomenon" is really their doubtful achievement.
On the other hand, general media and general trendsetters are equally so projecting an image of an older, usually successful guy having a trophy GF/BF much younger than he is.
If you put the two and two together, you end up having a skewed phenomenon as described in the original post.
I have met a few guys who had the "no asians please" in their online profiles. Most of them quoted all kinds of stereotypes ranging from "small dicks" to being "only bottoms", etc. No one has admitted that having an asian BF would be somehow detrimental to his social status. Though, I felt that you could read that in-between the lines, too.
Very few openly stated that they do not feel like spending any time and energy overcoming the cultural differences and idiosyncracies.
SC
I am a gay asian, 22 years old...and I can definitely relate to this post, sadly.
ReplyDeleteI am a gay Asian guy who used to date older White men because of their maturity and patience. However, I've always liked white guys my age. Now that I'm in my early 30s, I'm more attracted to younger white guys, usually 6-7 years my junior.
ReplyDeleteSadly, too, that I keep seeing the "no Asians please." And older guys, 10 years plus, keep hitting on me. I have my pride and would rather grow old alone than settle for second best or someone's "fall back" chink.
People like what they like. There are baggages with any relationship as people will attempt to assign you to a stereotype. One need not "reform" unless one is convinced that a change in modus is desired. In short it's all personal taste. I see both asians and non-asians constantly struggling to place either themselves or others into nice neat niches. An older non-asian male who dates asians of any legal age gets classified as an "RQ." Conversely, an asian couple is classified as "sticky" simply because their partners are of the same race. It's either racism or xenophobia; or perhaps an accute sense of gay-related psychosis. As one who does not racially profile the guys I date, within a spectrum of preferences, I'm an equal opportunity kind of guy.
DeleteIt's like whateva floats your boat. I'm a 42 year old white guy. I don't like to date 20 somethings simply because of lack of common ground. I prefer men of color for the most part. They are more humble and self-aware than many whites. I still get the winks from the twinks but prefer the famly values of asian bros. One thing that i have noticed with 20 somethings...esp asians, is the role of money. One audacious Vietnamese attempted to talk me into questionable money investments with him. C'mon...it was our third date. I dumped his ass. Two questions are important to me: "are you over 30?" and "do you have a career?" Dated em 20 to 49. The 49 year old was hot! One last thought: why should race even be a factor at all? Most of the posts here only re-vitalize worn-out stereotypes. If a 20 year old wants a 78 year old...power to em. If an asian wants an asian guy...cool! Stereotypes only lead barriers to enriching friendships despite whateva floats the boat!
DeleteI guess, I have to add that my experience has been very similar to one mentioned in the comment. Sad but true. Gay men are like teenage girls. They might be interested in someone, but the moment their friends sneer at the potential date, the date is dropped. Same goes for looks, ethnicity etc. Gay men, esp. guys in their 20's to 30's have to grow up, if not they might miss on many nice guys.
ReplyDeleteForget about being nice, I reckon you can score anyone you like as long as you can project your confidence to which it is something that I still have to work on. Online dating can be really superficial but it doesn't really represent the actual personality of the people. I have once made a comment that I couldn't find an Indian guy attractive, but somehow I met this guy (Indian) through a friend that is so hot that, being slutty I am, I invited him for a fun time. So, you see, if you really wanted to score someone that you like, you gotta try to go out more, project your confidence, have a positive attitude or maybe you could do something about your appearance by going to gym (aside for boosting your appearance, its good for your wellbeing) and groom yourself abit then perhaps you will find that special someone. Fake it til you make it. So to sum it up, my take on the topic and from my experience, those guys who made a cynical comment like that perhaps haven't quite meet asian guys that much or they are just not attracted to certain races and i think thats ok. Just like any potato queen who can't be forced to like any other type of races. So it is up to us how to market ourselves (but don't pimp ourselves). If those thing still doesn't work then either you move on or you take the comment personally and feel even more self pity. Good luck to all of us.
ReplyDeleteI don't really agree with some of your findings. I'm Vietnamese and currently in a relationship with a British guy. We just love each other so much. And I find my own situation far from what you concluded. I do top and he's bottom even though he's extremely straight-acting and I'm not as manly as him. Plus, I'm 23 and he's just 1 year older than me, so it's just perfect. I personally think that the fact you being into someone really depends on your personal preference And you need emotion or/and chemistry. That's all.
ReplyDeleteWhile I think you are more or less right about the fact that there are more older white men who are attracted to Asian men than younger white men who are attracted to Asian men, I don't know if it's necessarily because the older white men can no longer "get" the younger white men. That's difficult to prove. There is a possibility that as they grow older, they also grow wiser and more openminded and are less preoccupied with superficialities like looks and social status.
ReplyDeleteI know that's true for me even though I am a mid-20s Asian guy. When I was a teenager, I only liked white guys but as I grew older, I began to see the beauty in other Asian guys. And it's not because white guys didn't want me, so I had no choice but to go with Asians. On the contrary, I had 2 white boyfriends in my 20s, both younger than me (they were 20 and 21 at the time) and both very attractive...like, seriously haha. And I have actually rejected A LOT of young white guys (and even more older white guys).
So while I have been rejected by a lot of young white guys too, I haven't developed any sense of inferiority or self-esteem issues that have led me to just take any white guy that makes a pass at me. I still have my standards. I still pick and choose who I date and sleep with.
BTW, I've been with white, Asian and black guys, all under 30 (on a scale of 1-10, most were probably 7 with 2-3 10s). I've also been with older white men but only if I am genuinely attracted to them, and NOT just because they're white. Most of the guys I still date/sleep with are young white guys and while I admit the choice is slimmer because as you said, most young white guys don't like Asians, I still have a good enough pool to work with so that I can afford to reject the ones I don't want and still get laid on a regular basis.
I don't say all this to brag as I am anonymous. I say this because I want to encourage other Asian guys to have some self respect for yourselves and not throw yourselves at every single white guy that shows even remote interest in you. If you didn't come off so desperate and clingy, maybe they'll want you more. I know it's worked for me.
Another anonymous Asian guy here. I totally agree with what the person above me has said. However, I have to admit that the blogger's conclusion came to my mind in the past, though it remains next to impossible to verify.
ReplyDeleteI personally treat every white guy, older or younger than myself (I'm 25) just as I would any other guy, irrelevant of ethnicity. I can only encourage Asian guys to demonstrate some self-esteem and stop placing white men on some pedestal of hotness. Doing so merely harms your confidence and makes you all that much more unattractive. Not that you are unattractive, to begin with.
I live in London, and several years back, my bf (White, handsome and 27; He didn't win me that easily, I made sure of that) and I ended up in a bar close to Soho (gay area) called Kudos. My my...the staggering number of young, Asian guys, many of them pretty hot, clinging to those elderly white guys like they were the most gorgeous things alive. Needless to say, as a gay Asian dude myself, I felt utterly embarrassed for them and left the place as soon as I emptied my first drink.
I higly disagree the quote from that blog. I am a gay asian (filipino) american and I've been with my white (italian) american boyfriend since I was 16, and currently going on 7 years! Also he is younger than me by a year. So anywho my point here is that it generally depends on the person, people should not just make a general statement like that. That's his own oppinion, and for in fact I had other white males flirt with me majority were within my age group. It just boils down to attraction. But needless to say I have seen younger asians with older white men, and to my personal oppinion. I would never date an older white male. I am perfectly happy with the person I'm with now.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to this. I am 30yrs old asian guy, who are really into white mature guys, but of course those who manage totake good care of their bodies. Unfortunately herein the Philippines, most white guys I met are only looking for sex. Some I met are good guys but there are lot of temptations and when they happened to meet someone they tend to lose interest in you and find a new one. My last bf was a swedish but he died of cancer last 2008, now i am in search again, but I am very careful. Whoever white mature gay guy there might be interested let us start from exchange of email. email add is gago302@yahoo.com. Thank you
ReplyDeletewtf, this is so true. I'm so pissed off that all those creepy as sh*t old white guys come up to me and talk to me like they gonna have me fo sho!!! WTF, IM NOT INTO YOU, OKAY? and all those young white guys, who give a fuck if your interested in asian or not, you gonna get old, and you gonna be doomed, on the other hand, im beyond pissed that so many my asian fellows have such a low self esteem, WTH, there are so many hot asian out there, why cant you just admit who you are and date your own people, whats up with all these crap!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMy question to Asian men is why not date each other? I rarely see two Asian guys together unless I'm actually in Asia (I live in the west coast of US). If we don't find each other attractive & status level worthy, why should anyone else?I find that Asian guys can be very demeaning to each other. If they spent as much effort building each other up vs. competing for the few rice queens, self esteem would not be an issue (I'm an Asian guy whose dated Latino, white, black & Asian).
ReplyDeleteI'm 65 and have loved Asian men since I was in high school. There are a lot of us who do. Many of us are however in long term relationships (20 years myself).
ReplyDeleteAn yes there are many whites who do not care for Asians.
Life is a crap shoot, but DO NOT give up. If you find the right guy (it took me 40 years) it is worth all the crap along the way.
And I had a lot of fun hunting too by the way!
I'm a 23 year old white male, regular gym junkie. Yes I do consider myself picky however, race is not a factor for me. I love asians, africans, latin, middle eastern, whites etc etc... I think everyone needs to get over their little prejudices and big egos, and just get it on! ;)
ReplyDeleteI guess I'm a bit of the lucky on then? I'm a 18 years old white guys and I'm into Asians.. and i can add that i don't wanna be an 40+ year old with a 20- year old >.< its just disgusting.
ReplyDeleteAnyway hope to find a asian guy in my age :)
I guess I'm fortunate to be asian & actually very attractive. White guys in mid 20s with "no asians" ads have found me hot. Not to be cocky, just that the typical "chinky eyes, twink bodied, feminine acting" asian guys are referred to in this post. And that is sadly a whopping 90% of gay asians.
ReplyDeletei have read the " no asias, in lots of profiles from white gay men, i am 25 yo white blond , and i am not into in gay scene at al, but i do the online scene, so i think its true that mosltly young white gay men donbt have atraction to asian men, the reason: in my case , its cuz i am only atracted to other white men, but i guess that is only my preference, its called rules of atraction, and tehre is nothing we can do about it !!
ReplyDeleteMy own experience is very different than many guys here. I am and older white guy, but I have found asian men to be particularly (but not exclusively) attractive for as long as I can remember. This hasn't changed a bit since my 20s. Also, I do appreciate somewhat younger guys (always have) but handsome older asian men always catch my attention. I feel no devaluation towards asian or other non-wite guys. For me, attraction means I see you as highly desirable and deeply valuable. Jack
ReplyDeletei'm white, with a chinese boyfriend that is 7 years older (i'm 41 now). i've loved asian guys since age 10 and being trained in tae kwon do by a 16 yo korean guy. he was so cute and had a nice cock (we had to change outta our gi and shower after class, so it was innocent, but i peeked!) and i was in alabama at that time; asian population was minute, sooooo go figure. i'm in nyc now and there seems to be more of a class/aspiration issue with the young asian/elderly white guy dealings than anything else. my circle is mixed, ethnically, but we are all pretty much in the same place professionally, creatively, and socially. age and race don't matter so much. but then again, i see the security and advantage of hitting up on an older established guy.
ReplyDeleteI'm older white guy. I keep myself in damn good shape.. I generally like just about all Asian guys, as long as they keep themselves in some what decent shape. At least the Asian guys i been with i find more sweet,loving,playful and appreciate you. Then again I live in pretty much Asian community here in So. Calif. USA way!..
ReplyDeleteHey there, Im a Korean-born Canadian turning nineteen soon. From my experience, dating other asian men can get really annoying. I had a Chinese bf once and I dated him because he was pretty much the only gay guy I knew at my small high school. I'll be honest and say that the experience was horrible, because we had so many differences no matter how much I loved his bj. Im into working out and going to the gym, and taking care of myself as a proper human male, not some anorexic chic. And Im quite hairy, which is really strange for east asians, and I get comments about the amount of hair I have from people of all races. They find it very intriguing and sexy. For instance, Im a lifeguard here at my local pool, and asian ppl always stare at me with admiration as if Im some divine alien, while I always catch these white girls peeking at my body(hair). And almost everyone asks me if Im fully asian (or if Im half white) because I don't fit the stereotypical gay asian type.
ReplyDeleteSo there's a reason why asian boys dont date asian boys. I think they're just too feminine and unappealing, let alone having any self esteem and confidence. My experience with white guys have been interesting as well, but not as horrible as the asian guys. I usually like older men for maturity's sake, and I dated a white guy 2 yrs older than me before, and he couldn't get enough of me! I literally had to cut myself off from him when he got lazy.. He got really fat and disgusting from eating chips and watching tv all day..
So anyways, I really dont understand why so many fit, young asian guys would want to date old, white, fat men. Please go get yourself some confidence and find what you really like!
I'm a 38 Asian guy from Northern California who have only dated White and Latin men. I do this because I find their features very attractive to me. I've always been attracted to White and latin men every since I was 6 years old. However, now that I"m older, I've become more open to dating an Asian guy but I would never actually go seek one like I would with White and Latin men. I do find some Asian guys attractive but rarely do I actually find one that is sexually attractive. For me, it's really just a preference because I just find Latin and White men more interesting.
ReplyDeletecare to chat on yahoo mssnger? holler at me: "Azn2kool73"
As someone of Chinese descent in his late 30s with an average physique and geek-type personality (I sure as hell don't fit the beautiful, effeminate twink stereotype), I'm open to dating guys of any ethnicity.
ReplyDeleteI will admit I've always had a preference for bearish guys with stocky/husky physiques and facial hair. Asian bears in particular are super hot, but you don't run into many guys who fit that type, much less ones that are into other Asians.
I'm not opposed to dating older guys...as long as they're not old enough to be my father because of the generational gap. Most of the much older guys I've met have a different set of values and a way of looking at life in general.
Normally, I'm not as into younger guys, although 1-5 years younger is fine.
Ideally, I would want to date a bear-type who's slightly older and seems more experienced than me, but is close enough in age for us to be able to relate to one another, if that makes any sense.
I've been told to be a beautiful asian man, mostly mistaken as half white (I'm Filipino) but I grew up thinking I was unattractive. Now that I'm in early 30s & no where near the great physical buff shape when I was in college, I really dont understand why I wasted my time thinking I wasn't as attractive as my white counterparts when in truth I frequently turned down advances from Abercrombie types. Bottom-line: I think in my case there is a significant bit of socialization that molded my sense of inadequacies. I'm just currently starting to challenge this "colonized" mentality & I would really like to see where this will take me. It is frustrating to date white men sometimes as they are less tender, more casual, & at times too selfish when gauged by my Asian values. Similar value systems will help build a foundation & sustain a relationship in the long term.
ReplyDeleteI'm asian, I like older, bearish white guys. I dont have low self-esteem, i just like the idea of a really big, hairy brute violating my tiny asian hole. - it's a fetish, not a psychological compensatory mechanism.
ReplyDeletei'm a young asian who likes hairy bearded older guys! Mostly older white guys are my favourite but i've seen some older asians happen to be very attractive. I have never attracted to any younger guys. 'Older white are into younger asian'.. It's not true I guess. The whole point here is preference. There is certainly no racism. They find you as a guy (not as an asian) unattractive, so be it.
ReplyDeletei'm asian and into older guys. I don't like young boys because they are not attractive in my eyes. Hairy, bearded, muscular and age range which old enough to be my father are my turn ons. Whatever race they are, as long as i like em, there shouldn't be any problem at all. The whole point is if people unattracted to you as a guy and not as an asian, so be it. Nothing to do with racism.
ReplyDelete