Tuesday, December 29, 2009

M4M - Taller Guy

I just got back from my trip yesterday and met this guy that I have been communicating with online and via text messages. He has shown his interested for a long time ago, but somehow I didn't feel like meeting him. But then he was very persistent about asking me for a date, and finally I accepted. So we arranged to meet yesterday at my place, for I did not want to go anywhere outside of my house. One, I just got back from the trip, and two, it's too cold to go out.

So he came over. We just hung out and talked. There were many things that we have in common - gym, club, web design, gay movies lol... but I just cannot see myself being with him. It's a subtle feeling. I am not that attracted to him. I meant I saw his photo before and I liked it, but I would have never expected that in person is otherwise. I knew that he was interested in me according to his actions leaning towards me, touching my feet, sweet talking me, etc.

Now it's leaving me with thoughts about what to do if he would ask me out again. It seems to me that he wants relationship more than friendship. I'd rather be friends than lovers with him. He is a little bit tall for me and very goofy, but this is not as important as the fact that I am just not into his masculinity. He's not fem or anything, just not what I expected.

Ugh...... it has to be this way all the time. The ones that I am attracted to don't like me lol, but the ones that I am not attracted to come along all the time.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Getting Drunk

So I went out last night. It was my vacation in San Diego and I got really drunk. However, I was with my friend who was the designated driver. I have never been drunk like this before. I did know that once I am drunk, I would become someone - my true inner self so to speak. I made the move to talk to the guys at the club, I danced dirty, I let a guy took off my shirt, and I even let them touch/kiss me. But my friend was insinuating to me today that I was immature. He asked me that what's the point of getting drunk? I told him that it was the best night that I've ever had. But he sounded somehow judgmental about me getting drunk. I was speechless. He used to be young before, and he told me that he was a party animal when he was my age and in college. How come he asked me such a question now and didn't like what I had to say? I don't like this. I really don't. I simply just had a good time. I know some guys probably laughed at my drunk behavior, and some probably looked down on what I was doing that night. I really don't care. But how come I still feel being judged by a friend who used to be as young and crazy as I am?

The only reason that I got drunk was because it is my vacation visiting him, and I wanted to have a blast at the club with my true inner-self.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Is the grass greener on the other side?

My friend once told me that "The ones that are in a relationship or have boyfriends tend to be the ones that want to make the relationship open, look for a new boyfriend, or be single again. Whereas the ones that are LTR-oriented tend to look for a boyfriend so hard, and some almost give up on searching for Mr. Right."

Is it just me or m4m relationship is hard to keep? If you are in a relationship over a year (not open), it deserves a "congratulations!" It often times seems to be lust more than love.

The real question though, is the grass always greener on the other side?

Monday, December 21, 2009

Friends With Benefits

So I met this guy online and silly me, I should have known that all he ever wanted was a hook up. But I went ahead and met him at my apartment. The first night he was here, we did play around. I then found out that he was not into giving oral. He stayed the night and we did not cum at all. In the morning he was trying to get me going with another play time, but I refused and made up an excuse that I usually had something to do on Sunday morning. So he left and I felt released. He tried to talk to me online and first asked me to be his boyfriend, haha.... I said no because I felt that he wasn't ready for one yet. Then he asked to be friends with benefits. I denied that as well.

A couple weeks later, because I wanted to cuddle I invited him over again. Cuddling lead to another session of play time. This time, he wanted me to give him a blow job again. But I did not. I ended up jerking him off and then I jerked myself off. He used to stay the night, this time after his cumming, he said he had to go. Hehe.. how typical was that (I thought). I guess he got the answer from me. Being friends with benefits is supposed to be mutual benefits lol.... I am not going to be the only one that gives head and no reciprocal.

I decided to not see him again, and I am sure he feels the same way. After all, this wasn't what I was looking for.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Closet Case

Coming out is a process that appears to be easy for some men but also difficult for some other men. The real question is can you date someone that is still in the closet?

A friend said to me once that he would not date anyone that is still in the closet. He would also not date a guy that is “half in and out.” Not to mention, someone that goes to gay club still is not out enough for him to go out with.

I agree to the point that it is not easy to date someone that is very much in the closet. One that is afraid of this and that when it comes to public exposure even when there are no people around. What is your take on that?

The Beginning.....

I would like to start this blog as a place where I talk about my gay life and gay life in general. It includes my perspectives on gay relationship, friendship, and of course guys that I meet, hang out with, or go on a date with. Stay tuned!